September
by Schmon Schmewart
Summary: Ooh I couldn't resist. Building barriers stopped people from hurting her. Richard Castle broke through these barriers and broke her by walking away. Set post S2 finale. Some bad language. RC/KB BEING RE-WRITTEN
1. Chapter 1

**Ello Ello :)**

**First Castle Fic. I couldn't resist writing this. Beckett looked vulnerable so here I am writing bout it, and when Castle returns in September .**

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I can remember it all. Hell it was only a few months ago.

_"Oh who's off duty?" He asked noticing my presence._

_"Well Castle I'm not all work."_

_"Don't get into a drinking contest with her, she can take you." Lanie warned him._

_"Thank you" he noted. He's probably going to put that in one of his Nikki Heat books._

_"Oh I don't need to drink to take him."_

_I smiled as his eyes widened._

_"What's gotten into you?" Lanie asked, surprise lacing her voice._

_"Hey Castle do you have a second?" I asked him, ignoring her comment._

_"Sure" He walked outside and I followed him, closing the door behind me._

Here I opened up, I told him how I actually enjoyed this year. I had to swallow my pride and ask for something. Hence the quite a bit of small talk.

I was gunna tell him I wasn't going with Demming, we weren't together, and if the offer was still there, I'd go away with him to the Hamptons. But no his stupid probably dyed blonde ex-wife joined us with her comment about keeping on top of him. Woah. Really didn't need to hear that comment. I really felt stupid, kinda like a third wheel.

I felt so stupid standing there, with the sympathetic faces of Lanie, Esposito, Ryan and Montgomery watching me through the window, I could feel their eyes on me, watching me as I just stood there, beer in hand, watching as he walked away with his ex-wife, their arms around each others waists. I felt disappointed, he had asked me first right? I don't know why, I mean it's not like he's mine or anything.

Stupid faces, stupid Gina, stupid Castle. Hell stupid me.

It's September, and so here I am, standing in the same spot as I was a few months back, just now I've learnt my lesson. Letting people in leads to getting hurt. Especially if one of those people is Rick Castle.

I spent the summer trying to forget him, throwing myself into cases, ignoring anything to do with him, and rebuilding barriers I use to prevent the hurt I receive each time this happens, rebuilding barriers that he broke down.

Here he comes now, with coffees in hand and a smile on his face, after a summer of writing a probable bestseller in the Hamptons with his stupid ex wife. Eugh! The hurt I felt then, the hurt I buried away, was starting to show, the best thing to do was show I don't care.

He arrives at my desk and I carry on staring at the paper in front of me, pretending not to notice him, I don't care if he stands there all day. He puts my coffee gently on my desk and sits down in his chair. I still pretend he's not there and walk up to the board to write up and new piece of information on our new case. He gets bored soon enough and walks away.

And that itself hurts.

I think I know why.

But I'll never tell.

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**Ahh thank you for reading :) please press that 'Review this Story' button. Please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well Ello Ello :)**

**Ahh I have to say a big thank you to those who reviewed: ChristyLoisGilmore17, jisbon-sessed(Lynne your review :D), Andy1990, Lisbon94, Beckett NYPD and stevieLUVSAlex(you made me smile :D big time) and also to those who alerted/favorited me or my story.**

**Ahh yes I think I forgot this so:**

**Disclaimer:Nahh don't own. sadly... :'(**

**Anyway you wanted a second chapter so here it is :)**

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Love and Attraction are two very different things.

Rick Castle knew this, hell he'd been married twice. So what happens when you meet someone who you both love and are attracted to? You date, you kiss, you get engaged, you get married, you have kids, and you live happily ever after. That is if you have enough courage to ask them out first.

Yes Rick Castle the famous author was scared to ask a girl out. Well not any girl, a woman.

A woman that puts bad people behind bars. A woman who risks her life to save others. A woman that hated him when they first met. A woman that had grown used to him 'pulling on her pigtails'. A woman he had left, standing there feeling stupid not so long ago. If only she knew how Gina was a replacement, one that was not half as good as the person wanted but a replacement never the less.

Have a great summer. Ha. One thing Kate Beckett was obviously not good at was covering hurt at least not with him. That should have told him to stay and find out, but no he left. He came back to find a protective team of a woman who apparently no longer spoke to him, no longer told him off and he missed it.

He spent his summer writing a book inspired by her, which only provoked thinking thoughts of what he would have changed, how he could make it up to her once he returned, but now he didn't feel so confident.

So what do you do when you want to know what's up with Kate Beckett? You visit Lanie Parish. And so that's what he did.

And that's how he found out about her summer. How she sat, staring into space while others tried to make her speak, how she threw herself into work drinking a shitload of coffee with very little sleep, how her eating habits became unknown of, how she ignored everything that reminded her of him, how he practically no longer existed during his time away, how if someone was to mention his name she would fake a smile and excuse herself from the conversation.

He was so sure that she would be fine, that Demming would look after her, but no, that was explained too.

And then he knew he hurt her. It's not wise to hurt the one you love.

It's not wise to hurt someone who carries a gun and can kill you without being caught.

It's not wise to hurt someone who doesn't know how you feel

It's not wise to hurt someone thats afraid to let people in even, especially if it's difficult to get them to even consider forgiving you.

Damn he'd screwed up.

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**Ahh thank you for reading :) please press that 'Review this Story' button. Please?**

**If you want more, just ask :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Why Ello Ello :)**

**I thought as this hit me like a double decker bus, I'd give it to you as soon as possible :)**

**Apparently relationship stories are easier to write than cases so you'll get more UD than my other stories.**

**I got reviews that wanted more and who am I to dissapoint :)**

**Disclaimer: Nah still don't own :(**

**Meh enjoy :)**

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"Beckett." Nothing.

"Beckett." A nod.

"Beckett!" A hand gesture.

"Beckett?" A glare.

"Ah your attention please." An eye roll.

_'Damn she's pissed at me'_ he thought.

"What Castle." Ooh speech.

"Follow me." No movement. He grabbed her hand and she flinched like he burnt her, yet she marched away from him in the direction he pointed to and stood in the door way, a bored look on her face. The conference room. Not the greatest room to choose, such memories they had.

He was going to apologise, the sooner the better right? He never meant to hurt her, and he had to make sure she knew that as well.

A '_CASTLE'_ yelled across the room made him remember where he should be, apologising to a detective he was in love with, and standing there probably wasn't doing him any favours.

He smiled at her and walked smoothly across the bull pen, and closed the door behind him.

The room was silent apart from the buzzing conversations about cases between others on the other side of the wall.

They were alone, her looking expectantly at him, him quiet, his confidence had left him.

She opened her mouth to speak, clearly unimpressed, but was cut off by him as he'd remember what he was there to say.

"I'm sorry." two words that made her eyes leave his and stay glued to the floor. "I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I hurt you, I never meant to, honest." this made her eyes flick up, watching his face, waiting for his next words. "I care, I really do, Gina was there to make me forget you." that was probably the wrong thing to say. Obviously.

"Really?" she laughed bitterly," I'm sure she did, I bet she was on top of you most of the time, how did you get any writing done?"

"First I-nothing ever happened and second if you had listened" he was shouting now, and gaining an audience "I was trying to forget you and how happy you must be with Demming, how I could never have you!" he crossed the room, standing inches away from her, breathing heavily.

"Mummy and Daddy are fighting" Ryan whispered to Esposito, who had joined half the bullpen in watching the argument.

"Well I'm sorry everything isn't always great for you but things were pretty shitty when you left, I'll assume Lanie told you" she yelled, shiny eyed.

And then he kissed her.

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**Ahh thank you for reading :) please press that 'Review this Story' button. Please?**

**They were probably both out of character (sorry) but hey I wrote it how I would deal with it :) including the bad language. sorry.**

**You want more, you ask :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ello Ello :)**

**Well you wanted more so here it is.**

**I dedicate this chapter to my sister who very cleverly broke her radius. Sorry it hurts Eliane :'(**

**Disclaimer Nah still don't own.**

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It was nice. Screw that, it was really nice. No, amazing, fantastic, brilliant, like nothing either of them had ever experienced before. And they both knew it. The kiss was gentle yet confident; at least once she got over the shock of the feel of his lips against hers.

You see Kate Beckett always listened to her head rather than her heart. Just this time her heart was screaming to forgive him and to just carry on kissing him, while her head told her to run away and hide. It's always hard to think while you kissing a guy you don't know whether to love or hate half the time.

She wasn't the only one who was enjoying it. He definatly was. Thank god for spur of the moment' he thought. That was until he felt a really big pain below his belt. She'd kicked him. She was happily kissing him back only seconds ago and then her knee hit him really hard. If she wasn't careful she would never have little castle babies like her friend Madison suggested, and that would be a shame to miss out on having little kids with brown hair and deep chocolate eyes or big blue orbs running around and...ahh god it hurt.

She looked really pissed with a single tear rolling down her cheek. "YOU THINK YOU CAN KISS ME AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT?" she yelled. Not pissed, she was furious. "YOU STUPID EGOTISTICAL MAN, JUST BECAUSE IT MIGHT WORK ON YOUR PRETTY BIMBOS YOU THINK IT WILL WORK ON ME?" she was full on sobbing now as she sat down and held her legs close to her as she stayed in a fragile ball.

He reached out to comfort her but was met with a deadly whisper of "whatever part of you touches me, shall be the part I break" to which his hand quickly shot into his pocket.

She quickly stood up and strode out of the room, ignoring the audience and the open mouths only to go find the only person who knew what to do, Lanie.

Ryan and Esposito walked into the conference room and greeted Castle with a "Nice kiss but I think she's still a little angry" to which he shot a 'duh' look in reply and walked out in search of ice.

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**Ok you will probably hate me for that but it needed to happen and I don't think Beckett would really forgive him through a kiss. Plus he needs to prove that he cares then you can have Caskett lovelyness :)**

**you want more, you just have to ask :)**

**Please press that 'Review this Story' button**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ello Ello**

**Talion: I agree to parts of your review but not all of it, but thank you anyway.**

**GhostWriterLost: Sorry, I don't really kick boys.**

**Lynne: Thank you xx**

**Dedicated to my friend Tayla who ended up tied to a chair last Monday, twas very funny :)**

**Disclaimer: Nah don't own**

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Ok so maybe kissing her wasn't the best idea he'd ever had. He hadn't originally planned to but it was definitely worth it. Risky yes but definitely worth it.

Finding ice hadn't been easy, he'd had to search a while for it, wincing each time he moved, which wasn't exactly fun.

Running a hand through his dark brown hair, he settled down at her desk, with ice on his crotch, and he began to think about his relationship with Beckett however complicated or simple it may be.

He loved her, he was sure of that, but whether she believed him or not was a different matter. He flirted with her and she flirted right back, along with all the teasing and embarrassing that came with their daily banter. Anytime it got close to thinking about what was happening between them, she always deflected it. Thinking back to when Beckett and Madison spoke in the interrogation room, she never denied any of the statements thrown at her, she simply tried to change the subject. That was a clear example.

Her mouth always said she didn't like him that way but sometimes the way she acted he just wasn't sure.

And neither was she.

Woah girl what's up?" Lanie questioned a tear stained Beckett.

"Castle. Who else do you think?"

"What has writer boy done?" Lanie asked.

"He kissed me."

"Ooh tell me all about it! All juicy details included. Just first why you act like it's a bad thing." said Lanie excitement showing in her voice.

"First he leaves and then he decides kissing me will make it all better. I take it was you who told him?" Beckett sighed.

"Yeah I told him girl, just I left out bits I thought you wouldn't be proud of." Lanie replied smoothly.

_'y'know, your other coping methods, like beating the crap out of gym equipment.' _a little voice in her head added, a voice that had grown to sound a lot like her best friend.

Lanie would always be there for her she knew that, no matter how much she tried to set her up, no matter how much she bonded with Castle, Beckett could always rely on her.

"Can I ask, have you actually heard what he has to say?" Lanie said carefully.

"Have you?"

"Yes."

"Enlighten me then." Beckett snapped.

"Woah, fine. You are aware it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows for him, right?"

"Mhm."

"Because anyone could tell it hurt him to see you with both Sorenson and Demming. Everybody has a defence mechanism and jokes seem to be his."

"And?"

Lanie couldn't believe how dense her bright, clever, detective best friend was being. "And, how many jokes and funny comments has Castle made?"

"Many. Ahh."

"Mhm."

"But he still left me."

"You know I'll always be on your side girl, but you turned him down multiple times."

"Suppose."

Damn these two were as bad as each other.

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**Ok so I know they were both OOC cause Beckett being dense makes things easier to write and Lanie is just pain hard to write.  
****But thank you very much for reading :) It doesn't matter whether you have an account or not, please press that 'review this story' button and tell me what you think :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**HELLOOO! It's me! Well, I haven't updated in about a year, and that I'm sorry for, and I have many an excuse including depression and learning two new instruments... but honestly I don't blame you if you don't remember who I am!**

**Well, it's little past 3am, and I finished writing this about...2 minutes ago, so please excuse any mistakes or grammar errors there are!**

**BUT! I bring fairly good news (I guess...)! I actually have a plan! A written plan! *waves notebook frantically in the air* AND if anyone reads any other of my uncompleted stories, I have **** vague-ish plans for them too! AND I might just update, like, once a week!**

**Alas, I do not own Castle, but it would be pretty damn well cool if I did :D**

PS. Excuse me if it's awful?

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Her conversation with Lanie had hit Kate hard, replaying over and over in her mind, yet left her no closer as to what she should do or say to Castle. She contemplated leaving early and taking the rest of the day off, but the idea was quickly scrapped. The only thing Kate was sure of, was she had to talk to him, and doing it sooner rather than later would probably be best.

Which, is how she found herself in the elevator, watching the numbers above the doors climb. She heard the ping as the doors flew open, feeling nervous for the first time in a while, talking to Castle seemed scarier than any case or raid she'd been on in a long while.

She could feel the eyes on her as she strode into the bullpen, squashing the nerves, making her way towards the small kitchen, where she found him, an icy bottle of water between his thighs.

Kate half hid behind the doorframe, feeling slightly guilty for the pain she caused him.

Unexpectedly he looked up, catching her head poking out behind the wall.

"Hi!" he said, trying to stand, but later choosing against it after finding it too uncomfortable.

"Hey," she replied carefully, entering the room, perching on the countertop.

Both trying to talk at once, out of sync 'I'm sorry's moulding together into non understandable noise.

"After you," Castle said, motioning towards her with his hand, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm sorry," she said, "for kneeing you, and I really hope it doesn't hurt quite as much as I intended it to."

"S'okay now, doesn't hurt that much with the ice now, just...aches. I'm sorry for kissing you, I..." he trailed off, looking down at his lap.

"I'm sorry we argued." she added.

"I'm sorry I left in the first place, can we please just leave this behind us? Forgive and forget?"

She thought about what he said for a minute. " I guess I can forgive," she said, giving him a half smile, "but maybe not forget for now. But moving on sounds nice."

Castle grinned. "Friends?" he asked.

"I would go that far Castle." Kate teased, turning to leave. " Oh, and Castle? No kissing me without asking first, okay?"

"Can do!" Castle replied brightly, happy to be back in her good books as he watched her return to the whiteboard to continue working on the case, as if that morning had never happened.

Esposito appeared at the door. "Everthing good now?" he asked.

"Perfect."

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**Well, I hope you enjoyed that, and if I was to recieve a review from you, yes, YOU, I might just add some more if that's what you would like :)**  
**Even if it's one word, my dear Castle fans, good or bad, I'd really apreciate it :)**  
**-Lanna x**


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